As an impressionable child, I observed and cogitated. The
usual scenario was yucky! Did it have to be this way? It was dark with those
ugly amber and dimly lit so-called funeral parlor lights flanking the casket,
casting more gloom than glow... dreary with everyone morosely bereft of their
usual smiles and speaking in hushed monotones... austere with the funeral
directors standing solemnly (being sure to assume a stagnant posture with hands
folded) when not robotically animated... plain and lifeless with everyone
garbed in tragic black... and always the same monotonous scene every time I was
there.
Apparently, the rebel in me was activated by these
disgruntled observations during formative years. By the time my dad died,
diversity governed arrangements. The celebration of life that was planned and
implemented for burial of his cremated remains and commemorative events could
not be described as funereal or ordinary. The occasion took place a few months
after his death, so by then I had digested the reality of loss and was able to
become energetically ensconced in preparations.
It was a memorial weekend chock full of activities that
highlighted my dad's background and characteristics. Family and friends
gathered on the campus of his alma mater, Gettysburg College in Pennsylvania,
which was within driving distance of Freysville and his grave site at a rural
cemetery.
Everything we did related to his life in relevant
significance... Friday's dinner in a diner overlooking the train tracks that
transported him to and from college... Saturday's committal service at the
cemetery within view of the house where he was born... an ice cream social in
the cozy cottage that had been his fraternity house... the twilight memorial
service in a building designated for music and arts education... the dinner in
a restaurant frequented by Eisenhower... the Gettysburg battlefield tour on
Sunday (bespeaking my dad's original role as a history teacher)... and so much
in between... through the tears, all joyfully reflected his individuality and
our appreciation for his life
Afterwards, I realized that contemplation of future life
endings could present opportunities for meaningful event planning. Since
bereavement typically immobilizes creativity (and most everything else!),
doesn't it make sense to initiate arrangements for one's own affairs rather
than subjecting family members to woeful decision confrontations under
pressure? Usually, events are conducted promptly after a death when a state of
turmoil prevails. Wouldn't this be a valuable contribution to loved ones'
emotional stability at a time when they are apt to feel weak and vulnerable?
Why not enjoy the process of making decisions, suggesting ideas, and noting
preferences while still engaged in life? Maybe preliminary participation would
engender a sense of control and satisfaction that could make the prospect of life's
inevitable ending a little less oppressive.
So I gathered information and compiled material in hopes of
inspiring people to address funerary matters through this perspective. Since
the subject of death generally is forsaken, I wrote and formatted a planning
resource in an uncommon manner – interspersed with recreational distractions
and whimsical flair to render the reading of it pleasantly palatable.
Through the book, community presentations, a website, and
blog articles, I am committed to awakening people from sleepy avoidance and
indifference relative to issues of post-death management. I aim to stimulate
awareness of possibilities for personalized approaches and affairs... with
dreariness overpowered by colorful vigor. Funerary opportunities can be
enriching. And death can be a matter of life!
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