DIER DRILLS
People keep dying. Everyone knows that every body will inevitably cease to function. Yet a widespread phenomenon of inattention and unpreparedness for this eventuality often causes logistical chaos in the midst of acute grief.
Following a loved one’s death, when in a state of stunned disbelief, disorientation, and disarray, family members are also apt to feel dismayed. Suddenly matters needing to be addressed descend on them like wildfire. Decisions and arrangements must be made. Information is needed. An awareness of what they wish had been communicated to them by the deceased loved one ensues.
Just as safety upon occurrence of a fire can be secured as a result of previously practiced tactical plans, this aspect of death upheaval can be averted by adopting certain prudent strategies in anticipation of unforeseen death. Everyone at any time can engage in short exercises to amass a collection of operant avenues to be followed by beloved family members who will be grieving. Providing data and details about wishes preemptively is so much easier in contrast to the scavenging that families must undertake when there has been no input and posthumous consultations are impossible.
Of course, any period of time can be chosen for initiation of preparatory measures. But pinpointing a month affords structure for initiation of a timeline to encourage diligence and the likelihood of goal fulfillment.
October has been earmarked as National Fire Prevention Month — a time when countrywide attention is directed toward raising fire safety awareness to ensure families have a plan and are ready for the unexpected. In the same vein, since October 30th has been designated as “Create A Great Funeral Day,” maybe this is also an appropriate month to direct attention to “demise surprise” prevention. Taking proactive end-of-life steps will ensure families have a plan and are ready for the unexpected.
Within the framework of a calendar, prescribed activities can be broken down into manageable objectives:
DEMISE SURPRISE PREVENTION MONTH
Choose any day of the month to begin a process of intention leading to realization. Identify measured portions of desired actions for incremental fulfillment of goals. Begin with a loosely designated time frame of four weeks, but be prepared to alter it as circumstances dictate.
DAY 1
Inform family that you are participating in a community campaign to prevent demise surprise. That is, you have committed to doing whatever you can to prepare ahead of time for the end of your life so your family won’t need to tear their hair out figuring out what to do when the time comes. Ask for ongoing feedback as you compile material for them, consulting them as needed during the process.
DAY 2
Set aside a few minutes to imagine today’s probable scenario if you had died yesterday. What would be going on among your family members and close companions? Presuming they would be engaged in all sorts of tasks and decision-making related to your death, identify actions you could take now to make it easier for them. With this in mind, compose your own customized “to do” list that reflects your circumstances and wishes; if you favor structure, format it as a checklist with lines preceding each entry.
DAY 3
Decide on a reasonable period of time to set as a goal for completion of the tasks you have identified… if not a month, then within what delineated time frame? Choose one easy mission to complete today. Then place a checkmark next to the entry on your list.
DAYS 4 through the end of four weeks or pre-determined time span
Continue in the same manner… each day tackling another task and notating when it has been accomplished.
DAY 30
Assess your progress. If all of the activities have not yet been completed, calculate a structured extension of time and continue the process while staying moored to a regular schedule.
Add items to your list if there are more matters you want to tackle. There is no need to feel overwhelmed by the volume. But remember that every action you’ve already taken… every piece of preparation you’ve already provided… will become a welcome asset in the end. Just keep adding value to your contributions.
DAY 31
If all of your objectives have been met, revel in a satisfied feeling of achievement. Decide how you will inform your family members about the gift you have prepared for them. Contact them and ask for feedback about what you have done and the preferences you have determined. Be sure they know where the data you have collected can be accessed.
Once you are satisfied with the outcome of your initiatives, joyfully and thankfully bask in the realization that this exercise was just a drill and you are fully alive. But now you can live your life more at ease, knowing you are prepared for the day when it will end… knowing that you have provided your family with procedural guidelines and informational apparatus. You will have enabled them to douse the embers of potentially flammable end-of-life management, sparing them from a flaming emotional inferno stoked by neglect.
FOLLOWUP MEASURES
Review each item on the list to determine which ones warrant further exploration and action. This step may entail additional online perusal and on-site visits to providers. Filter the list and extract certain ones to establish a new list for broader investigation. Begin tackling the items in a more detailed manner on a regular basis, but according to your preferred schedule. You are apt to be pleasantly surprised by the expansive options and innovations in the funerary domain.
Once all the entries on your list have been addressed and completed to your satisfaction, contact family members to arrange a means for communication about your additional input.
SAMPLE LIST of Possibilities for Daily (or Periodic) Tasks
___ Notate locations of important documents and personal data,
including vehicle registrations and insurance documentation.
___ Write biographical summary with details needed for death certificate.
___ Gather and notate all computer passwords.
Record answers to common security questions for various accounts.
Record numeric combinations for properties and belongings.
Note locations of keys, entry alarm codes, phone lock numbers, etc.
Determine place for storage of numbers and keys for
easy accessibility by family. Sign up for a password manager service
if desired.
___ Make a list of emails and phone numbers of family, friends, and other
people from current and previous stages of your life who should be
notified of your death.
___ Find and print a list of matters generally needed to be addressed after
someone dies or notate a computer link as part of your
accessible resources for family members.
___ Record instructions specific to household tasks that would need to be
managed immediately after your death.
___ Decide which means you prefer for documentation of your end-of-life
wishes. Explore digital services for storage of personal data,
preferences, and arrangements; if one is chosen, sign up to begin
using it.
___ Learn about options for bodily disposition (burial, cremation,
alkaline hydrolysis, recomposition, donation for medical education,
scientific research, forensic studies, polymer-modeling education, etc.),
note your choice, and contact the relevant organization if
arrangements must be made ahead of time. Note how you feel
about organ and tissue donations; register as a donor if desired.
___ Identify features important to you in choosing a funeral home.
Explore funeral home websites and note preference/s. If arrangements
or payments have already been made, note location of paperwork and
receipts.
___ Explore cemetery and memorial park websites. Note preference/s.
___ Choose photos to use for obituary notices and commemorative
purposes.
___ Record any main points you would like included in an obituary.
___ Explore possible alternative means for obituary publications.
___ Fill out a questionnaire about choices for funerary arrangements.
___ Fill out forms for advance directives dictating preferences for
end-of-life care. Choose a healthcare agent (and alternate) to act on
your behalf, in case circumstances pose a need.
___ Use an online resource or contact an attorney to prepare a legal will.
Prepare a power-of-attorney document, appointing someone
to manage your business and legal affairs if you are unable to do so.
___ Write an ethical will to convey your viewpoints and wisdom.
___ Explore creative alternatives to standard recipients of memorial
contributions, with an eye toward focusing on ones that would reflect
your personage.
___ Open a POD (Totten Trust) bank account, naming a beneficiary
to assure immediate access to funds upon death.
___ Explore possible sites for commemorative affairs.
___ Identify elements you consider important for inclusion in funerary
observances (religious, cultural, military, etc.).
___ Review bereavement literature and/or services. Identify certain
resources for loved ones.
___ Write details pertaining to your life about which you’d like family
to know.
___ Write your thoughts and ideas for dissolution of your dwelling,
including donation suggestions, family dispersal strategies, and
contact info for downsizing and estate-sale businesses.
___ Meet with a financial planning or estate planning advisor to formulate
a wrap-up plan.
___ Explore hospice options in your community in case of need.
___ Compile a “helping hands” list of participatory contributions that
would likely be appreciated by family, to be readily accessed following
your death when caring folks ask what they can do to help.
___ Explore websites of providers in your community who offer
supplemental services, such as end-of-life doulas and funerary
celebrants. Become familiar with their roles and notate preliminary
impressions.
___ Watch informative videos and read about embalming prior to notating
whether or not you would want your body embalmed.
___ If your choice is for reduction of remains, launch online window
shopping to discover the vast array of urns and other containment
options. Alternatively, if burial is planned, peruse traditional as well as
novel casket/coffin merchandise. Consider what type of outer burial
receptacle you prefer (basic concrete or more costly vault) if such a
purchase is likely to be necessary.
Notate preferences and include photos of any merchandise you
especially favor.
___ If you are opting for reduction of remains, scavenge through websites
to discover multitudinous ways they can be incorporated into items
or utilized in novel manners. Note any that might be possibilities for
you.
___ Read about alternative funerary approaches, such as family
management at home (home funerals) and natural burials.
Note any aspects of them that appeal to you, even if you or your family
would be opposed to the physical care of your body.
___ Play with words to formulate possible epitaphs for a headstone or
grave marker.
___ Look online at pictures of memorial stones. Note your preferences and
include photos if any are especially desirable.
___ Walk through your home, identifying belongings you’d like passed on
to loved ones as keepsakes. Make a list of them and take pictures,
including names of potential recipients. Note any special significance
or history of items.
___ Think about objects that relate to your associations with people in your
life. Peruse online businesses that sell mementos. Note any things
you might want given to guests at a commemorative event or to
certain individuals because of their inherent significance.
___ List valuable items you own and assign monetary values. Gather
purchase receipts. Take pictures of the items.
___ Check protocols for each of your social media accounts. Identify your
wishes for memorial oversight or closure. Make a list of the
accounts, with instructions for a family member to manage the
ones that can be perpetuated after death.
___ Write your thoughts pertaining to how you would like to be
remembered. What would you like your legacy to be?
___ Make a list of other matters you would like to address that relate to
your own circumstances
“Protective gear” is readily available.
Abundant online resources can be easily accessed for information.
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