DIER DRILLS

People keep dying. Everyone knows that every body will inevitably cease to function. Yet a widespread phenomenon of inattention and unpreparedness for this eventuality often causes logistical chaos in the midst of acute grief.

Following a loved one’s death, when in a state of stunned disbelief, disorientation, and disarray, family members are also apt to feel dismayed. Suddenly matters needing to be addressed descend on them like wildfire. Decisions and arrangements must be made. Information is needed. An awareness of what they wish had been communicated to them by the deceased loved one ensues. 

Just as safety upon occurrence of a fire can be secured as a result of previously practiced tactical plans, this aspect of death upheaval can be averted by adopting certain prudent strategies in anticipation of unforeseen death. Everyone at any time can engage in short exercises to amass a collection of operant avenues to be followed by beloved family members who will be grieving. Providing data and details about wishes preemptively is so much easier in contrast to the scavenging that families must undertake when there has been no input and posthumous consultations are impossible.

Of course, any period of time can be chosen for initiation of preparatory measures. But pinpointing a month affords structure for initiation of a timeline to encourage diligence and the likelihood of goal fulfillment.

October has been earmarked as National Fire Prevention Month — a time when countrywide attention is directed toward raising fire safety awareness to ensure families have a plan and are ready for the unexpected. In the same vein, since October 30th has been designated as “Create A Great Funeral Day,” maybe this is also an appropriate month to direct attention to “demise surprise” prevention. Taking proactive end-of-life steps will ensure families have a plan and are ready for the unexpected. 

Within the framework of a calendar, prescribed activities can be broken down into manageable objectives: 

DEMISE SURPRISE PREVENTION MONTH

Choose any day of the month to begin a process of intention leading to realization. Identify measured portions of desired actions for incremental fulfillment of goals. Begin with a loosely designated time frame of four weeks, but be prepared to alter it as circumstances dictate. 

DAY 1 

Inform family that you are participating in a community campaign to prevent demise surprise. That is, you have committed to doing whatever you can to prepare ahead of time for the end of your life so your family won’t need to tear their hair out figuring out what to do when the time comes. Ask for ongoing feedback as you compile material for them, consulting them as needed during the  process. 

DAY 2

Set aside a few minutes to imagine today’s probable scenario if you had died yesterday. What would be going on among your family members and close companions? Presuming they would be engaged in all sorts of tasks and decision-making related to your death, identify actions you could take now to make it easier for them. With this in mind, compose your own customized “to do” list that reflects your circumstances and wishes; if you favor structure, format it as a checklist with lines preceding each entry. 

DAY 3

Decide on a reasonable period of time to set as a goal for completion of the tasks you have identified… if not a month, then within what delineated time frame? Choose one easy mission to complete today. Then place a checkmark next to the entry on your list. 

DAYS 4 through the end of four weeks or pre-determined time span

Continue in the same manner… each day tackling another task and notating when it has been accomplished. 

DAY 30 

Assess your progress. If all of the activities have not yet been completed, calculate a structured extension of time and continue the process while staying moored to a regular schedule. 

Add items to your list if there are more matters you want to tackle. There is no need to feel overwhelmed by the volume. But remember that every action you’ve already taken… every piece of preparation you’ve already provided… will become a welcome asset in the end. Just keep adding value to your contributions.

DAY 31

If all of your objectives have been met, revel in a satisfied feeling of achievement. Decide how you will inform your family members about the gift you have prepared for them. Contact them and ask for feedback about what you have done and the preferences you have determined. Be sure they know where the data you have collected can be accessed.

Once you are satisfied with the outcome of your initiatives, joyfully and thankfully bask in the realization that this exercise was just a drill and you are fully alive. But now you can live your life more at ease, knowing you are prepared for the day when it will end… knowing that you have provided your family with procedural guidelines and informational apparatus. You will have enabled them to douse the embers of potentially flammable end-of-life management, sparing them from a flaming emotional inferno stoked by neglect. 

FOLLOWUP MEASURES

Review each item on the list to determine which ones warrant further exploration and action. This step may entail additional online perusal and on-site visits to providers. Filter the list and extract certain ones to establish a new list for broader investigation. Begin tackling the items in a more detailed manner on a regular basis, but according to your preferred schedule. You are apt to be pleasantly surprised by the expansive options and innovations in the funerary domain.

Once all the entries on your list have been addressed and completed to your satisfaction, contact family members to arrange a means for communication about your additional input.

SAMPLE LIST of Possibilities for Daily (or Periodic) Tasks

___  Notate locations of important documents and personal data,

       including vehicle registrations and insurance documentation.

___ Write biographical summary with details needed for death certificate.

___ Gather and notate all computer passwords. 

       Record answers to common security questions for various accounts.

       Record numeric combinations for properties and belongings.

       Note locations of keys, entry alarm codes, phone lock numbers, etc.

       Determine place for storage of numbers and keys for

       easy accessibility by family. Sign up for a password manager service

       if desired.

___ Make a list of emails and phone numbers of family, friends, and other 

      people from current and previous stages of your life who should be

      notified of your death.

___ Find and print a list of matters generally needed to be addressed after

      someone dies or notate a computer link as part of your

      accessible resources for family members. 

___ Record instructions specific to household tasks that would need to be

      managed immediately after your death.

___ Decide which means you prefer for documentation of your end-of-life

      wishes. Explore digital services for storage of personal data,

      preferences, and arrangements; if one is chosen, sign up to begin 

      using it.

___ Learn about options for bodily disposition (burial, cremation, 

      alkaline hydrolysis, recomposition, donation for medical education,

      scientific research, forensic studies, polymer-modeling education, etc.), 

      note your choice, and contact the relevant organization if 

      arrangements must be made ahead of time. Note how you feel 

      about organ and tissue donations; register as a donor if desired.

___ Identify features important to you in choosing a funeral home.  

      Explore funeral home websites and note preference/s. If arrangements

      or payments have already been made, note location of paperwork and

      receipts.

___ Explore cemetery and memorial park websites. Note preference/s.

___ Choose photos to use for obituary notices and commemorative 

       purposes.

___ Record any main points you would like included in an obituary.

___ Explore possible alternative means for obituary publications. 

___ Fill out a questionnaire about choices for funerary arrangements.

___ Fill out forms for advance directives dictating preferences for 

      end-of-life care. Choose a healthcare agent (and alternate) to act on

      your behalf, in case circumstances pose a need.

___ Use an online resource or contact an attorney to prepare a legal will.

      Prepare a power-of-attorney document, appointing someone 

      to manage your business and legal affairs if you are unable to do so.

___ Write an ethical will to convey your viewpoints and wisdom.

___ Explore creative alternatives to standard recipients of memorial

      contributions, with an eye toward focusing on ones that would reflect

      your personage.

___ Open a POD (Totten Trust) bank account, naming a beneficiary 

      to assure immediate access to funds upon death.

___ Explore possible sites for commemorative affairs.

___ Identify elements you consider important for inclusion in funerary 

      observances (religious, cultural, military, etc.).

___ Review bereavement literature and/or services. Identify certain

      resources for loved ones.

___ Write details pertaining to your life about which you’d like family 

      to know.

___ Write your thoughts and ideas for dissolution of your dwelling,

      including donation suggestions, family dispersal strategies, and

      contact info for downsizing and estate-sale businesses.

___ Meet with a financial planning or estate planning advisor to formulate 

      a wrap-up plan.

___ Explore hospice options in your community in case of need.

___ Compile a “helping hands” list of participatory contributions that 

      would likely be appreciated by family, to be readily accessed following

      your death when caring folks ask what they can do to help.

___ Explore websites of providers in your community who offer

      supplemental services, such as end-of-life doulas and funerary

      celebrants. Become familiar with their roles and notate preliminary 

      impressions.

___ Watch informative videos and read about embalming prior to notating

      whether or not you would want your body embalmed.

      

___ If your choice is for reduction of remains, launch online window

      shopping to discover the vast array of urns and other containment

      options. Alternatively, if burial is planned, peruse traditional as well as

      novel casket/coffin merchandise. Consider what type of outer burial

      receptacle you prefer (basic concrete or more costly vault) if such a

      purchase is likely to be necessary. 

      Notate preferences and include photos of any merchandise you

      especially favor.

___ If you are opting for reduction of remains, scavenge through websites 

      to discover multitudinous ways they can be incorporated into items

      or utilized in novel manners. Note any that might be possibilities for

      you.

___ Read about alternative funerary approaches, such as family

      management at home (home funerals) and natural burials. 

      Note any aspects of them that appeal to you, even if you or your family

      would be opposed to the physical care of your body.

 

___ Play with words to formulate possible epitaphs for a headstone or 

      grave marker.

___ Look online at pictures of memorial stones. Note your preferences and

       include photos if any are especially desirable.

___ Walk through your home, identifying belongings you’d like passed on 

       to loved ones as keepsakes. Make a list of them and take pictures, 

       including names of potential recipients. Note any special significance

       or history of items.

___ Think about objects that relate to your associations with people in your

       life. Peruse online businesses that sell mementos. Note any things

       you might want given to guests at a commemorative event or to 

       certain individuals because of their inherent significance.

___ List valuable items you own and assign monetary values. Gather

      purchase receipts. Take pictures of the items.

___ Check protocols for each of your social media accounts. Identify your 

      wishes for memorial oversight or closure. Make a list of the 

      accounts, with instructions for a family member to manage the

      ones that can be perpetuated after death.

___ Write your thoughts pertaining to how you would like to be 

      remembered. What would you like your legacy to be?

___ Make a list of other matters you would like to address that relate to 

      your own circumstances

“Protective gear” is readily available. 

Abundant online resources can be easily accessed for information. 

"EXITER UNIVERSITY" End-of-Life Planning

ANNOUNCING:  "EXITER UNIVERSITY"

Prepare To Learn… Learn To Prepare

Are you one of those?… those people resolutely in denial about the inevitability of eventual death… who harness their energies to avoid perceived threatening thoughts about it… whose timid eyes turn in a different direction when a hearse passes by?  

Well, if this attitude rings a bell, you are not alone!  American society is crippled by a 

death-phobic contagion.  From one generation to the next, infected psyches have been conditioned to ignore and sometimes abhor the reality of physical passage from the earth. 

Even generally open-minded individuals often have closed their minds to the pleasant event planning opportunities the prospect of life’s final milestone presents.   

Long before resting in peace, a wise planner can attain the peace of preparation, contentedly aware that a record of one’s final wishes will likely become a most treasured gift for loved ones. 

Courageous pioneers who have waded tentatively into this domain have been surprised to discover enjoyment of planning processes.  The funeral industry has changed dramatically, nowadays rendering new approaches coupled with innovative products.  Whether browsing or buying, a customer under relaxed circumstances is apt to feel invigorated by the enlivening offerings. 

*****

                                                           

"Exiter University" is dedicated to informing folks about the vast array of possibilities from which they can choose elements for management of their final proceedings.  A broad and colorful spectrum of classes, workshops, discussion groups, and online substance is designed to enlighten and entertain participants.

Experience this educational opportunity to learn about matters rarely discussed in everyday life.  Expect to become intrigued, engaged, and enlightened by awareness of modern-day funerary revitalization.  Materials are designed to be fun and entertaining.

You won’t encounter anything morbid within this context… no bone-chilling skulls and crossbones or Grim Reaper facsimiles.  Instead, you may catch a glimpse of warm and fuzzy associates in the likeness of frogs to remind us that conspicuous croaking… making one’s voice heard (by declaring preferences for death management) is a wise course of action before finally “croaking.”

Whether your goal for gaining insights is based on planning for your own end of life or that of family members, you are apt to be captivated by the innovations and variations that have emerged within recent years.  Merchandise, services, commemorations, and memorialization have been imbued with multi-faceted diversity.  Colorful novelty has awakened a domain that had seemed dismal and deadly.  

Cultural attitudes toward death are changing, prompting a growing willingness to bring this previously unmentionable aspect of life out of the closet.  People are realizing the importance of making arrangements or at least stating preferences ahead of time.  An intent to spare grieving family members from the onerous task of decision making underlies motivation; it is a step toward facilitating their emotional health when confronted by challenges of bereavement.  The mortality rate of one hundred percent renders a mission of advance preparation all the more relevant, regardless of one’s age.  Even young people can enjoy the event planning process, while maintaining receptivity to alterations through the years. 

Community presentations of this nature are supplemented with online materials to encourage absorption of information coupled with personal engagement.  Become acquainted with Signature Sunsets, via Twitter or LinkedIn connections.  Join its “Exiter University” Facebook group where information is shared, participation is welcomed, and learning is paramount (https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.1824389547837277.1073741830.1392754611000775&type=1&l=8ce9597e42).

NATURAL BURIAL CASKETS and MORE

Journey Journal... Arlington, MA

A TISKET, A CASKET... A GREEN and YELLOW BASKET

All caskets available through the Mourning Dove Studio are “green” because of their biodegradability and suitability for natural burials.  But the actual colors and styles can reflect a broad spectrum of possibilities.  A pivotal feature of this enterprise is its adaptability and responsiveness to personal visions.  The sky’s the limit for individually created versions destined for underground repose, as long as construction materials and decorative applications mesh with principled stipulations for ecologically-friendly burials. 

The Mourning Dove venture, though, encompasses far more than the sale of burial containment.  Its two co-founder visionaries conceptualized an inclusive palate of offerings.  Through their direct support, customers have been able to immerse themselves in details of design as well as dialogues about death.  Backgrounds in human service instinctively marry these originators with a sensitivity to emotional needs generated by ramifications of current and future loss.  

Although sales of burial receptacles represent the most tangible backbone of their activities, nothing within the realm of related services is boxed in by prescribed structure.  The dynamic nature of shared details and interactive exchanges engages customers under novel circumstances, promoting personal  touches and camaraderie typically foreign to conventional retail settings.    

Ruth Faas and Sue Cross are the prime movers who have nurtured this initiative toward its realization.  Both had been peripheral observers of matters within the death arena prior to plunging into it themselves.  

Observations of her uncle’s funeral home operations may have set the stage for Ruth, but a reaction to her mother’s casket innervated thoughts of alternatives.  Clinical ministrations as an occupational therapist led to graduate studies in sociology and a role as a teaching assistant for a Death and Dying class.  Currently, she is a member of the Funeral Consumers Alliance of Eastern Massachusetts.    

Besides a background in mental health, an appreciation of cultural diversity and a passion for art have contributed to Sue’s involvement in death-related services.  While serving as a bereavement counselor for adolescents, she is also developing a film series about death, dying, and grieving for a local church.  

These inspired women have fulfilled roles as enablers by guiding folks beyond the darkness of finality and into the light of expressive possibilities for handling it.  Until recently, customers had been able to visit a multi-functional, spacious studio where caskets were on display, but also, other activities were underway.  

Individual art projects and workshops were conducted in the larger of two rooms.  Bereavement groups could be accommodated.  For a nominal fee, basic cardboard caskets or pine boxes could be decorated according to individualized inspirations and aspirations.  Guidance was available from the co-founder who has a penchant for art, buoyed by four years of classes and membership in a cooperative art studio, and imbued with a special interest in the art and rituals her Hungarian ancestors had practiced in response to deaths. 

Photos Source:  Mourning Dove Studio Website

A smaller resource room served as a hub for access to relevant literature about matters of mortality, including alternative modes of death management.  There,  folks could sit and read to glean insights on their journeys toward end-of-life wisdom.  Some tapped material addressing grief to bolster steps toward recovery.  

Perhaps a germane slogan for this venture that pertains to death would be, “Never Say Die.”  Operations could readily have come to a demised termination were it not for motivational resilience.  As with life itself, an insurmountable obstacle was encountered that rendered a numbing blow. 

The storefront space on Massachusetts Avenue that had been headquarters for this establishment since its origination in December of 2009 had to be unexpectedly abandoned in 2014.  A quintessential “we regret to inform you” notice was the dagger that could have inflicted mortal wounds.  The announcement of a monthly rent increase of $1000. was potentially paralyzing.  

But the imposed absence of expanse did not mark the end of this life-enriching cause.  Now, sales are conducted and information is dispensed from the owner’s home.  Caskets are on display in the basement, along with some biodegradable urns and reference materials.    

Rather than unceremoniously placing an order, sometimes folks who are experiencing the turmoil of loss or terminal circumstances may want to immerse themselves in the process of development through hands-on involvement.  As an evocative tool for expression of feelings, such activities can be an antidote to their festering imprisonment. 

Given enough preemptive time, clients may even choose to construct a casket themselves, with direct assistance.  Or plain, unadorned boxes that are already made can awaken ideas, prompting applications of paint or anything the heart desires.  

Photo Source:  Mourning Dove Studio Website

Encyclopedia pages meaningfully lined the interior of a rudimentary receptacle that would be apropos for a teacher or avid learner.  The decoupage technique is often employed.  

Inserts may be covered by family photos, images that signify a decedent’s characteristics, or ornamentation of a different nature.  

Even mere post-it notes might be affixed to recognize a decedent’s persona or as a means for conveying messages as part of a send-off.  

     

  

As an alternative to a do-it-yourself casket-making project or securing one that’s locally constructed, models from other retail sources can be ordered.  Basket-type receptacles made from natural fibers have become popular commodities for green burials in Europe and, increasingly, in the United States as well. 

The stylistic Ecopod was introduced to the world as a distinctive, molded configuration that simulates a seed pod.  It is hand made using recycled newspapers and finished with paper from mulberry pulp.  Colors and imprinted designs are variable.    

Caskets with designs prepared through the application of biodegradable paints are available.  One of a cadre of local artists can be commissioned to do the work. 

Photo Source:  Mourning Dove Studio Website

If a shroud is preferred, it can be acquired from one of a few nationwide sources. 

For discussions with the Mourning Dove owner, interested individuals are invited to sit around a table in her spacious country kitchen that evokes images of neighborhood coffee klatches.  The homey environment begets a sense of homespun attention.   

Like a sumptuous meal, the scoop about options for products and services is doled out generously.  Contacts may be facilitated by referring people to a host of providers.  Among them are funeral homes and cemeteries that support ecological practices, celebrants who conduct commemorative services, grief therapists, deathbed choirs, and artists who create memorial items.  

The website for this venture also serves as a channel for input.  Besides having access to pertinent blog articles, readers are apprised of opportunities to attend a series of writing workshops or yoga classes to address the impact of loss.  Home gatherings for exploration and discussions can be arranged.  One page on the website is a repository for a listing of resources and the sharing of commemorative ideas submitted by individuals.  

Part of the mission to spread the word about natural burials is implemented through community presentations and exhibits at events, such as the 2014 Graves In the Garden green burial fair at Mount Auburn Cemetery.  In a vendor milieu, a few of the caskets were on display there.

A commitment to promote the concept of environmentally sustainable end-of-life practices is at the core of this undertaking.  It is readily apparent that individualized support and a goal of enlightenment serve as the underlying foundation for devoted engagement.  These authentic helpers want to help people.  Casket sales seem secondary to that objective.   

As noted on their website, they “want to help dying people and their loved ones openly discuss these topics, utilize art and creativity as tools for leaving a legacy of love, create meaningful, personalized end-of-life ceremonies, have more access to eco-friendly options, honor and grieve our connections and losses.”

Their recognition of a need for earthly preservation has motivated involvement in this ecologically conscientious endeavor.  Everything they do and everything they provide is down to earth, whether it be a burial receptacle or a suggestion.  Under their auspices, customized creativity reigns.  Their efforts epitomize a manner of personalization that is meaningful and devoid of commercialism.  They are mavericks in these ever-growing funerary fields of green.  

Mourning Dove Studio

"Going green"

boston.com Article

"Mourning goes green in Arlington"

WICKEDLOCAL..com Article

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